


Tea Time with Hortense and Patty

by goldenspecter



Category: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Brotherly Bonding, Brotherly Love, Fluff, Gen, Grandmothers, Insecurity, TCEST DNI, also slight closeted but not yet realized trans girl leo?, hortense and patty are back, its grandma kinning hours baby, mikey has a secret fifth phd, thats right, trans girl raph because i said so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:29:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28259229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenspecter/pseuds/goldenspecter
Summary: "Sooo," Raph starts. She's always been weird with awkward silences. "Are these grandma kinning hours?""Grandma hours!" Mikey exclaims excitedly. "Grandma time!!!""Ah, if it isn't our favorite girl and her little brother!" Hortense tilts her head over in their direction slightly. "Are you going to join us? We were just about done arguing," she says.---Today is Tea Time. Two old ladies have a tea party, one of them forgets to bring the food, and they are joined by Mikey and Raph. A good time is still had.
Relationships: Donatello & Leonardo & Michelangelo & Raphael (TMNT)
Kudos: 11





	Tea Time with Hortense and Patty

**Author's Note:**

> This for one of my five secret santas that I worked on. Yes, you read that right. Five. Anyways, this is the last one I worked on. My person didn't leave a specific wishlist of what they wanted, so I whipped up some classic Hamato family bonding. 
> 
> Decided to work in some headcanons and personal things I love dearly, like trans girl Raph(it's good stuff, I'll be writing more. Also she doesn't really do a whole name switch? she still goes by raphael, she's doesn't really want a name change). 
> 
> Also wanted to use this fic to express some thoughts I had about Hortense and Patty how they could possibly function to Leo and Donnie. 
> 
> For Leo, he might have made up Patty when he wanted to explore being girly and like doing girly girls and the idea of being a girl but constantly hearing April talk about the shit that girls go through at her school and the things that happen on the news to women kinda freak him out a bit. So he sees old ladies on tv, and he sees that they're able to do their things in peace without really being bothered and thus Patty is born, as kinda of a way for him to safely explore that and because he kins grandmothers. 
> 
> I also think that Hortense and Patty could be used as a way for Leo and Donnie to take care of Raph and Mikey? Like they're not the best at it as Leo and DonnieTM; Mikey and Raph might not be all that receptive to being open to them. However, it if it were Hortense and Patty on the other hand, then Mikey and Raph would be receptive. It's kinda like not liking and refusing to eat scrambled eggs but eating tuna salad that has eggs in it. You can't handle the thing in its obvious form, but you're more receptive to it if it's not as obvious or well hidden. In addition, the ideas of Grandmas are like open and inviting. They make you feel warm and fuzzy and cared for on the inside and that's what's appealing??
> 
> Like Hortense and Patty are Leo and Donnie, but they aren't /Leo and DonnieTM/, they don't have the baggage that Leo and Donnie have and they aren't the things that Leo and Donnie are known for. 
> 
> Quick side note, Hortense and Patty are referred to with she pronouns the whole time. That shouldn't really create any form of confusion.

Today is Tea Time. 

  


Leo wakes up, looks at his phone, goes through his morning routine. He brushes his teeth, he does his little morning get up. Then he moves on to Patty’s morning routine. There are two sets of silicone breasts hiding in the bathroom. No one questions it. No one asks where it comes from or why it’s even there, they simply roll with it. 

  


He’s glad that his family doesn’t question his or Donnie’s weirdness. 

  


Leo grabs a pair and puts it on. Even after wearing it a few times, it still feels a little weird. Maybe it’s because if he was a human boy and wearing these, then he would feel a little more at home in his body. Like they belonged on him. 

  


But he’s not going to think about that. Leon Neon does not do any form of self-reflection at any time in the morning. Leo moves on from thinking about the breasts in any shape, form or manner and puts on Patty’s infamous baby blue sweater that makes him feel soft and warm and fuzzy just like any grandmother would. Just like any grandmother would, he also puts on that pale pink sweater, ties it around his neck, and slips on the deep blue skirt that Patty is known for. 

  


He moves on to the wig. There are two wigs, one that’s floofy and in the shape of a cloud, that’s Patty’s everyday wig. The second wig is a little loser and flows straight down, this is her homely wig. He has it sitting on the little head mannequin, grabs a brush, and starts brushing it. Leo is not very particular about many things but Patty’s wig is one of those few things that he’s extremely particular about. The bristles of the brush work their way through the silvery hair a hundred times on one side before he repeats the same one hundred strokes for the back, and the last one hundred on the other side. Leo brushes the bangs of Patty’s bangs fifty times, just to make sure that her bangs curl over like they’re supposed to. 

  


Next step is to apply the wig cap. Leo picks up the scalp protector and sprays it onto his scalp. He knows that he doesn’t have hair but the little bottle of spray has become an important part of this little routine he has. 

  


With the scalp protector sprayed on, he has to wait twenty to thirty minutes for it to dry. Now would be the perfect time to do his eyeliner and eyeshadow. Eyeshadow comes first. Eyeliner before eyeshadow makes eyeliner overshadowed, powdery eyeliner that covers up and softens the looks of the eyeliner. Maybe Leo should try that, maybe it would make Patty look softer but Leo’s not really up to variations this morning. 

  


Routine is comforting. 

  


Before he even can apply eyeshadow, he has to apply eye primer. There’s not really a shade made for a mutant ninja turtle. Shoutout to Donnie for figuring out a prototype on how to make one for Leo’s skin color. He squirts some out of a bottle onto a makeup sponge, dabs it on his face, and uses his fingers to rub it in. 

  


Now it’s time for the eyeshadow.

  


He pulls out his palette and opens it. There are twelve pink shades. All of them slightly used, with little dents forming in the powder. Leo-Patty is feeling up to using Peach Punch. He swirls the brush into the powder, brings the brush to his face, up to his eyes, and applies it across the crease of his eyelid from his tear ducts to his outer v. Leo oscillates between three main motions: dabbing, swirling, and sweeping back and forth. 

  


Leo stops after a few minutes and looks in the mirror. He looks great so far.

  


Time to do it to the other eye. 

  


It doesn’t take him too much longer to do his other eye. Then Leo moves on to the eyeliner, picking up the liquid eyeliner. Starting at the top of his eyes, he starts from the inside and works his way out, making sure to stay as close to his upper eyelid as possible. Leo adds a little wing just for a little flair and does it all over for his other eye. 

  


Leo leans closer to the mirror and looks at his work. He looks  _ amazing.  _

  


The scalp protector should be dry now. Leo picks up his wig cap, aligns it with his nonexistent hairline, and pulls it over the back of his head to the nape of his head. Carefully, Leo picks up the wig, carefully puts it on his head, and gently pulls the wig down to make it secure. 

  


Last but not least, the pearls. What’s a grandma without her pearls?

  


When the pearls are around his neck, he lets them drop onto his neck, and hearing that dull thud close to his neck, Leo knows that Patty is complete. 

  


Goodbye Leo, _hello Patty._

  


Patty puts everything back where it belongs before she leaves the bathroom, lest Hortense or one of the boys yell at her for leaving things out in the bathroom. She leaves feeling invigorated, making her way down to the atrium, where Hortense is surely waiting for her. On her way, she stops in the kitchen and gets out several gallons of Arizona Tea as well as some cups, puts it all in a cooler with ice, because that is the only form of tea that Hortense will drink.

Patty makes it down to the atrium and what does she know? Hortense  _ is  _ waiting for her.

  


“You’re late,” Hortense intones flatly.

  


Sitting down, “I’m on time, actually.”

  


“Why are you late?” Hortense asks. Patty sometimes couldn’t stand the fact that Hortense was so stuck up about being timely but that’s okay. Patty could handle it as long as Hortense didn’t make it too big of a deal. 

  


“Some of us, you know, have a routine,” Patty says in a clipped voice. She does not mention her thoughts from earlier. “At least I brought the drinks. Where’s the food Hortense?”

  


Hortense does not answer her. “Hortense, where is the food?”

  


The other old lady is mighty quiet. "Hortense," Patty wags her finger at the older lady. "Where's the-"

  


"I forgot to get it." Hortense admits. 

  


Patty nods her head, "You forgot the goddamn food Hortense?! What kind of tea party is this without the food?!"

  


"We are old ladies in the year of 2020, who fucking does tea parties anymore?" Hortense yells back at Patty. 

  


Raph and Mikey walk in. Mikey is on Raph's shoulders, and the two turtles blankly stare at the old lady. 

  


"Sooo," Raph starts. She's always been weird with awkward silences. "Are these grandma kinning hours?"

  


"Grandma hours!" Mikey exclaims excitedly. "Grandma time!!!"

  


"Ah, if it isn't our favorite girl and her little brother!" Hortense tilts her head over in their direction slightly. "Are you going to join us? We were just about done arguing," she says. 

  


"No, we were not!" Patty yells. "Now you tell me why the fuck you forget the food or I swear I will gee-willikin’ send you on your merry way to a retirement home! Or your grave!"

  


"It was a simple mistake! An oversight!" 

  


"Bullshit! If I had forgotten the drinks, I'd be waltzing with my husband, Usagi, in heaven already!" Patty shouts.

  


Raph was getting more anxious as the fight went on. "Uhmm, Grandmas?"

  


Patty and Hortense are still arguing. Calling the other vile names in old lady speak and seemed close to fist fighting each other. Raph only grows more anxious as they still argue and Mikey is growing really tired of it until he throws two cheap markers at both Hortense and Patty. 

  


"Stop fighting!" Mikey yells. 

  


Hortense and Patty rub their heads from where the markers hit them and fully turn to face Raph and Mikey. "Young man we don't throw markers at people to get their attention!" Hortense scolds. 

  


"Then you should get Donnie for using a tranq dart on me," Raph mutters. 

  


Mikey glares at the two old ladies. "Well, my big sister was trying to get your attention and you didn't listen to her!" Mikey argues. "You just kept arguing!!"

  


Patty holds her head down in shame. "Well, my grandson-"

  


Mikey folds his arms and squarely looks away. "Nope, Dr. Delicate Rude doesn't wanna hear it," he says loudly. "You gotta apologize to my big sis for ignoring her."

  


Hortense and Patty nod, "You're right." Then to Raph, "We are sorry that we ignored our precious granddaughter for our silly little argument."

  


" 's alright."

  


"If you are willing, would you mind indulging some foolish grandmas with what you wanted to say?" Hortense says. 

  


Raph points her fingers together. "Uhh, I was going to suggest that we Doordash some food here?" she says nervously. 

  


Patty gives a look to Hortense. 

  


"It's probably a stupid idea," Raph says. 

  


"No. no, no, my dear grandchild," Patty interrupts, shushing Raph. "You may have ideas that might be a bit out there but never  _ stupid _ ideas. This is a wonderful idea. My goodness, why didn’t we think of that Hortense?" Hortense shrugs. “Goodness gracious, imagine me and Hortense in the kitchen, trying to cook? The kids would have to take over considering how slow these two old ladies move with such bad hips.   
  


  


"I agree with Patty," Hortense says. "And you all know how much I hate to agree with Patty but she has a point."

  


Raph and Mikey giggle slightly. 

  


"Anyways," Patty says, moving on to the subject of food. "Hortense will be paying, since she has so much left from her pension and retirement. What do you kids want from Doordash?"

  


"I want sushi and chicken lo mein and chicken wings." "I want chicken tendies and french fries and something else. I don't know what though." 

  


"Not traditional tea-time food but we can start with that," Patty nods and waves them over. "Come, come, come sit down with Grandma Patty while Hortense gets her laptop." 

  


Raph sets Mikey down, who joins Patty with a pep in his step while Raph joins a few seconds 8later. Raph and Mikey are subjected to Patty pinching their cheeks and commenting how much they've grown while Hortense goes to get her laptop. Patty relishes in the fact that she can do this while Leo can not. Patty gets to treat her grandchildren, spoil them, and dote on them without being accused of being patronizing or condescending towards the two turtles. 

  


Patty is doing what any grandma would do and she's going to do that to the fullest. Raph and Mikey’s faces are squished and pinched and massaged like jello as she continues to dot on the two turtles even after Hortense has come back with her laptop. 

  


“Patty, stop playin with the kids cheeks like they’re Play-Doh. They won’t have cheeks left for me to squish if you continue,” Hortense says, sitting down Patty and her two grandchildren. 

  
Said grandmother does not stop, instead, she sticks her tongue out at Hortense. “You’re just jealous that I’m soft to the touch unlike you and your awfully calloused hands.”

  


Hortense ignores Patty in favor of opening her laptop and pulls up Doordash. “Alright, kiddos,” she calls out, patting the ground next to her. “Come to Grandma Hortense and tell her what you two lovelies want to eat. Mikey, you’re first.”

  


Mikey crawls over to Hortense and lounges over her arm. He tells her what he wants, Hortense pays for her grandson’s food and Hortense waves her granddaughter to come closer. “Come on my dear Raphie, tell Gam Gam what you want to feast on. Come come, I won't bite," Hortense says and Raph scoots over to Hortense. 

  


Raph orders her food, changing her mind several times throughout. 

  


"Uhh is there anyway I can get extra chicken and sauce for my food?" she asks, rubbing her arms. "Only if it's not going to cost you too much more, I already know my meal's pretty expensive."

  


Hortense scoffs. "Don't worry your pretty little head about how much it is," she says. "Grandma Hortense is paying for it all."

  


"I know that," she says. "I know that, I just don't wanna be too costly 'cause of how much I eat."

  


"Nonsense! You are never too costly for your dear Gam Gam."

  


Raph looks down, away from Hortense. "Okay, only if you're positive."

  


Hortense frowns. Raph has always had a problem accepting when people wanted to take care of her, whether it was from something small, tending to her cuts to paying to get her food. Hortense thinks that this is one of those Oldest Sibling things, and she can understand it somewhat. Hortense's temperamental nature and her nature has always made her need to prove herself to other people, always turning down help and care from other people. 

  


Hortense is trying not to be so self-reliant, hence Patty but it's hard. She won't let her granddaughter go through this alone. "I'm positive, my dear. Now let's finish ordering this meal," Hortense says, pulling her granddaughter into a hug and rubbing her head. "Is there anything else you want to eat?"

  


"No," Raph says. 

  


"Okay then," Hortense says and clicks pay. Raph doesn't move after that. "Patty, what are you in the mood for?" 

  


"What are you getting Hortense?" Patty says to her. "I might eat what you eat."

  


"I've been having a craving for some Thai food-"

  


"Hortense, I love you dearly but you and spicy food aren't really meant for each other," Patty says, cutting off Hortense when she begins to protest. "You're not getting Thai. You want spring rolls and some lo mein?"

  


Hortense groans. "Sure. You want the same thing?" 

  


Patty nods. Hortense gets their meals and pays. "Okay, the food will be soon," Hortense states. "Around thirty minutes or so."

  


The other grandma shakes her head. "We wouldn't be here if you had gotten the food earlier," she mutters and seeing Hortense flash a deathly glare at her, adds on. "But life gives us all happy accidents sometimes and I'll take any excuse to hang with my two grandbabies." 

  


Patty hugs onto Mikey, who melts into her hug. Grandmother and grandson smush their cheeks together, with Patty peppering kisses over her grandson's face and Mikey giggling loudly. "That tickles!" he says through a series of giggles but makes no move to stop her.

  


Hortense fondly rolls her eyes at Patty and Mikey. "Look at those silly gooses," she says affectionately to Raph. Raph has her head in Hortense's lap and Hortense weaves her three green fingers between her granddaughter's mask tails. "And what are you thinking about, miss?"

  


"Nothing," she says quickly. 

  


Hortense tsks in concern, "Now you know I know when you're lying," she says, with no heat or anger in her voice. "What's wrong?"

  


"Nothing."

  


"Raphael," Hortense says and Raph wriggles uncomfortably, not liking how her name came out of her grandmother's mouth. "Something's wrong, you know you can always talk to Grandma?"

  


"I don't wanna talk about it," Raph says quietly. 

  


"Okay, then," Hortense says, not willing to push it any further. "Grandma is here to listen if you wanna talk to her, okay?"

  


Raph hums in agreement. "I'm thirsty. Can we have drinks, or is it too early?"

  


"Too early?" Hortense laughs. "No, no, we  _ are _ having a tea party, what sort of tea party is this without the tea itself?" She picks up a scrap of paper, balls it up, throws it at Patty with an aim that's impressive for any old lady. "Patty, my granddaughter is thirsty. Open the drinks!"

  


Patty catches the piece of paper before it hits her. "If it wasn't for our grandkids, I would end you myself," she says before opening the cooler and holding up some gallons in front of Raph. "Which one dearie?" 

  


"The one with ginseng, please," Raph answers. 

  


Patty pours her some and hands her the cup. She turns to Mikey, "Are you thirsty too?"

  


"Mhmm." Patty pours him a cup and hands it to him. "Thank you Gam Gam!"

  


Patty pours some for herself and Hortense and they're all peacefully drinking Arizona Tea until Mikey goes,

  


"If this is tea time, shouldn't we be lifting our fingers up?" He says, doing exactly that. 

  


"No," Patty says quickly. "We aren't British but if it makes you happy, we can lift our fingers up." She lifts her finger up and the other two follow after. 

  


Mikey flaps his hands and bounces his hands happily, "This is the best tea party yet!"

  


Hortense and Patty look at each other and smile. "Don't say that until you get your food and dessert!" Hortense says. 

  


Raph looks up. "Dessert?" 

  


"What's a tea party without dessert?" Hortense snorts, taking a sip of her tea. "Not a very good one that's for certain."

  


"I agree with Hortense and you two know how much I hate to agree with her," Patty says. "But until then, how about we drink and be merry!" She holds up her cup of tea out for a toast and smiles when three other cups clink with hers. 

  


Patty brings her cup of tea to her lips and sips. Hortense slips up for the first time in the first time of her elderly life. The food is going to be late but during that time she gets to spend waiting, she gets to do so with her two precious grandkids. They're happy, they're smiling and everything seems to be going great for them in this small moment compared to everything Leo and Donnie have to go through. 

  


Taking another sip, Patty smiles into her cup. Seeing her kids happy like this is worth all the Doordash'd food in New York City. 


End file.
